Prevarication feels better

The truth is hard.

I don’t know that I need to say more than that.

I should leave it there.


I think it is what we all want. Really. The truth.


We rarely set up systems in our life to make sure we get more of it.

The truth.


Do these jeans make my butt look big?

You love her. She has gained weight. It has happened over time. She still wears the same size pants and the extra just sort of spills over in a ‘muffin top.’

And you know… if you answer honestly… she will cry. Your weekend will be over. You will be forced to read “Men are from Mars” or “Love Languages” or something.

Why don’t we want to know the truth?

Once it is spoken, it is at least out there for us to deal with either the reality of the statement or the perception of the statement.

(Your wife is surprised you can even see the muffin top past the beer belly.)

Sorry. That one was low. I guess I’m saying, I watch myself get upset when I get the truth instead of celebrating it.

It is either the truth and I need to know it OR it is the perception of another. Either way, once it is out there, I can at least deal with it.

Either way.

My uncle told me to always celebrate when people let you know where they are at.

My sister tells me to listen to what people do, not what they say.

Somewhere in all that family advice is an equation for happiness.

Reality and happiness.

Really. Read that again.

Absolute bliss happens the moment we know where we stand either in actuality or perception.

This applies to a member of a team with a boss and as the leader of the team who thinks they are the boss.

The true path of a leader in today’s sociological biosphere is someone who is really good at ‘getting’ reality. Not creating it… not rallying people with words… someone who wants the truth and the perception.  A person who wants REAL so badly they are willing to be wrong, willing to be hurt and gain energy from anything painful.

A person who pays attention to how they receive information and makes sure that no matter how messy the vomit is that just got projected on the table, they pull is a part, look  at it and think about it.

A friend of mine said once, “Leaders get the organization they deserve.”   So true.

As a member of a team, any feedback I get from others can only help me deal with the reality of that statement. They either believe it to be true and it isn’t (I can work on perception) OR it is a cold hard fact and I better create some deliberate practices to start addressing my muffin top.  (and buy some interim puffy jeans, less spillover)

This very moment is a summation of all of our choices.

Choices are formed with information.

Choose to embrace the things people say, especially when it isn’t pretty.

The data helps us form better choices.

Better choices lead to happiness.


Genome of a Key and other things

Is there a word for the individual slopes of a key?


I suppose that isn’t a clear question.

If I look at a key, there are grooves that are cut to match the grooves in a lock.

Is there a word for that?

If there is, I’d like to know what it is.

What is it called?

Because, today, I think I discovered the (place name here of the name of the groove in a key) of the meaning of life.

Not the ENTIRE meaning of life.. just one of those moments in the total.

I have enjoyed a chuckle with friends for decades on the ‘meaning of life.’

Is it, the period between the last letter of the sentence and the “”



Is it the kitty poster from the 70’s with that one delicate paw “hanging in there baby?”


Is it the if you love it set it free… shoot it.. whatever the )@(#*$ the version it is now?

(If you have no idea what I am talking about, un-furrow your brow and ask your mom to explain the references. They are pre-born-in-1975.


Is the meaning of life avoiding the cruelty exposed when we think of footless rabbits everywhere because we just HAD to have that bright blue soft key chain?


Plastic balls on the end of chains SEEMS like a really great idea until someone loses an eye.

For real.


I had a conversation today. With someone I immediately admire.

I left thinking about the (Place word here for the groove of a key) of life.

Not the ‘meaning’ of life.. one of the “place word heres” of life.

A component.

It is…

Whatever IT is.
IT is that thing.

THAT thing.
That you haven’t forgiven yourself for.
That one thing.

Will continue to show up in other people.
You will look for it.
That thing.
It will continue to cause you pain.
You are able to forgive IT:

in you.

e-mail fail

e-mail is good for

  • logistics
  • flirting
  • video clips
  • distraction

e-mail is not good for

  • emotional complexity
  • conflict
  • increasing understanding
  • running a business
  • staying focused
  • ending a relationship
  • the grammatically challenged

Rome fell because of

  • lead
  • hubris
  • Christianity
  • decadence
  • imperial incompetence
  • the mis-memory of the purpose of a vomitorium

WE will fall

  • e-mail

Curse you 178 messages in my inbox.


“Mom, why isn’t anyone perfect?”

My son often asks me things from the back of the car as we race to some activity.

I ask him to explain a little more what he is asking. “Well, you always tell me that I am perfect just the way that I am and that I’m not supposed to try and be perfect. It confuses me.”
(My son is 5 and is a philosopher just so you know.)

Well. Hmmm. I’m glad you asked Sebastian because sometimes mom talks in bumper stickers.


Okay, let me try and explain.

Yesterday you said you wanted to stay home all day. Remember?
And we did. Was that an example of me being perfect?
“Yes, mom. Because I got what I wanted.”
Good. Now let’s say Mom instead of doing what you wanted, took you to a roller coaster and you had the best time of your life. Is that an example of me being perfect?
“Yes Mom. Why didn’t you do that yesterday?” (Grumpy mad face from Sebastian.)
Sebastian, so perfect is a little tricky isn’t it?
“I am more confused now.”
Me too.
Let me try another example. Let’s say we stayed home that day and I didn’t take you out. You missed something that could have happened. Right?
“Yes, and i am mad at you for that.”
I pull the car over.
Honey do you see why perfect is not a good thing to strive for? Me keeping you at home because you asked is perfect in one example and makes you mad in another example. the ACTION is the same, it is how we perceive it that makes us happy or sad. Living a life trying to be perfect can be painful and cause us to waste a lot of time not living.
“Mom, I still think we should stay home more.”
Even with roller coasters out there that we could be riding on?
“Well, aren’t we going to Disneyland soon?”
Yup. 10 days.
“Then I think it is perfect to just stay home more.”
So, what about gymnastics today?
“I really want to just go home Mom.”
As I turned the car around I wondered if the lesson I am teaching him is to not stay committed to things… am I teaching him to be a hermit… am I teaching him to….

I think I likely teach him to over think everything.

Perfect. Just perfect. Sigh.