Prevarication feels better

The truth is hard.

I don’t know that I need to say more than that.

I should leave it there.

And.

I think it is what we all want. Really. The truth.

And.

We rarely set up systems in our life to make sure we get more of it.

The truth.

Example?

Do these jeans make my butt look big?

You love her. She has gained weight. It has happened over time. She still wears the same size pants and the extra just sort of spills over in a ‘muffin top.’

And you know… if you answer honestly… she will cry. Your weekend will be over. You will be forced to read “Men are from Mars” or “Love Languages” or something.

Why don’t we want to know the truth?

Once it is spoken, it is at least out there for us to deal with either the reality of the statement or the perception of the statement.

(Your wife is surprised you can even see the muffin top past the beer belly.)

Sorry. That one was low. I guess I’m saying, I watch myself get upset when I get the truth instead of celebrating it.

It is either the truth and I need to know it OR it is the perception of another. Either way, once it is out there, I can at least deal with it.

Either way.

My uncle told me to always celebrate when people let you know where they are at.

My sister tells me to listen to what people do, not what they say.

Somewhere in all that family advice is an equation for happiness.

Reality and happiness.

Really. Read that again.

Absolute bliss happens the moment we know where we stand either in actuality or perception.

This applies to a member of a team with a boss and as the leader of the team who thinks they are the boss.

The true path of a leader in today’s sociological biosphere is someone who is really good at ‘getting’ reality. Not creating it… not rallying people with words… someone who wants the truth and the perception.  A person who wants REAL so badly they are willing to be wrong, willing to be hurt and gain energy from anything painful.

A person who pays attention to how they receive information and makes sure that no matter how messy the vomit is that just got projected on the table, they pull is a part, look  at it and think about it.

A friend of mine said once, “Leaders get the organization they deserve.”   So true.

As a member of a team, any feedback I get from others can only help me deal with the reality of that statement. They either believe it to be true and it isn’t (I can work on perception) OR it is a cold hard fact and I better create some deliberate practices to start addressing my muffin top.  (and buy some interim puffy jeans, less spillover)

This very moment is a summation of all of our choices.

Choices are formed with information.

Choose to embrace the things people say, especially when it isn’t pretty.

The data helps us form better choices.

Better choices lead to happiness.

woot

4 Replies to “Prevarication feels better”

  1. We always have the option to react, or respond, in an emotional, and unproductive manner. We are fortunate that is never our only option. It is unfortunate we often select it anyway. We are at our best when we stop, and think, and reply appropriately. That doesn’t mean we can’t experience and express our emotions, only that we should reply thoughtfully.

    “The Little Prince” (a great book, and great children’s book, if you’re not familiar with it) learns that a wise king can command the sun to rise every morning, but only a foolish king would attempt to command the sun to rise in the evening. We should be more wise and less foolish in the questions we ask.

    “Some folks look for answers, others look for fights” – we do find what we search for. We should, accordingly, search wisely.

    In psychology classes, they always bugged me by studying psychologists instead of people. Anyway, I learned more about psychologists than I did about people. Some psychologists say that human action is driven, propelled by events and emotions from the past, and present thought and behavior is always only an (involuntary, if not epiphenomenal) expression of that past. Other psychologists say that human action is teleological, driven by a vision and desire for the future.

    When I looked at people, I found both behaviors, even in the same person. They are two choices we have, as to how to, or whether, to respond, or reply to the world.

    Information is useful; be thankful for it. We can use bad news as an excuse to feel badly, or as an incentive to behave positively for change. And since feeling badly is no excuse for behaving badly, we will make ourselves (not to mention those around us) happier in the long run by thinking first, and replying appropriately.

  2. My dad read the Little Prince to me every year. “We are forever responsible for those we tame.” Stuck with me a lot.

    love your comment. Thank you!

  3. As for the eternal jeans question, I find it much better to rephrase the question, in order to elicit a truth I want, but won’t find hurtful.

    See, my husband thinks I’m beautiful. He thought it when he married me and I weighed 220, when I gave birth at 270, when I got back down to 220, when I gave birth *again* at 270, when I got down to 180 (for a brief shining moment), and when a back injury and life got me back to 199 (I refuse to admit I’ve seen 200 again, the scale at Weight Watchers hasn’t seen it, therefore neither have I).

    So, asking him if *anything* “makes me look fat” isn’t a fair question. He, as far as I can tell, doesn’t see “fat”, he sees me. (I’ll admit that he’s got very poor vision when it’s uncorrected, but I think of that as a feature…)

    “What is your eye first drawn to in this outfit?” — that’s fair. And if the first thing he sees is the body part I’m most concerned with at the moment, then I change outfits. If the first thing he sees is a body part I’d forgotten was worth flaunting, then I smile and head out with a great attitude.

    Truth is good. Truth I can act upon that doesn’t put the truth-deliverer in a bad space, that’s even better.

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