The hole was in the tree before I drilled it

The hole was in the tree before I drilled it

We drove through a tree today. We paid $5.00 to go into the forest on the way to Arcata, California

As we drove through the tree- I wanted to be there on the day they created this crazy thing. Of course, I have driven through trees before.. this was different,. I am a mom now- I had a baby to film and interact with.
We drove through it twice. Laughing all the way.. ha ha ha ha., We got out of the car and walked through it a couple of times. Then I noticed something. Everywhere around me… people were giggling. The same giggle. It is hard to explain the sound- not a chuckle.. you know, a chuckle being a very short compensatory laugh… ha ha…. not a ‘can’t breathe this is too funny’ laugh either.
Just this super long… constant string of sounds… a giggle. I watched as the passenger and the driver looked at each other. This look and this giggle.
Car after car- the same response.
Now, I wish I had been there the day they cut the hole in the tree. I am sure the environmentalist vehicle that drove through the tree, they had bumper stickers all over their car for the environment, yes – they giggled, liked to imagine that the hole was already in the tree. Had that car full of people , had they been here that day, allowed the drilling?
Perspective is often changed by history or experience. Perhaps it is ALWAYS changed by history or experience. The media used to have that. perspective. A super intelligent woman I know, Darolyn Davis, ( told me over a ‘big girl lunch” at the Rotunda, (this is not an exact quote, it has my perspectve in it) “The media used to provide a perspective- now it is a targeted weapon of manipulation.”
The tree reminds me of that. How easily that little drive could be shifted into something ugly or fabulous depending who is doing the typing.
This blog is like that. Human interaction is like that. If only I could get out of my head. During a meeting the other day I couldn’t help but notice all the little under the breath verbal jabs going on. Followed by a laugh of course- and yet they were passive agressive little attempts at control. Some of them were really mean.
And some of the jabs came out of my mouth. Disgusting what happens when a room isn’t facilitated or when unresolved hurt feelings get in the room.
Why is it the human element- our emotions- can be so fragile and powerful at the same time? If I could figure out a way to harness in my rabid desire to understand every human interaction I have- I would have a little more fun.
It seems that every interaction of late is a Petri Dish- the world is my communication science lab for me to mix my potions and test my theories. I watch a group of incredible people get snarled up in the miscommunication barbwire.
And I watch in horror as I go first. I am paying such close attention right now to the solution. My friend tells me I am like Jonas Salk- when I find the vaccine i will be heralded a genius but until then I am the freaky geek who keeps trying new things in rooms.
Freaky geek rhymes wih control freak. that is more like it. My frustration level – or maybe my frustration switch is close to the surface and I am trigger happy. Couple this malady with a history of unsaid hurts or misguided beliefs or just plain perspective: it will take the giggle out of any room.
I will not do that again. Remain lofty, my dear friend Andrea once said. (see earlier blog) Remain lofty Christina especially when you feel undervalued.. not heard… pissy or just plain frustrated.
I will figure out how to remain lofty when I feel unloved or attacked. I will come up witha formula for others to use when the hackles get up or when we feel that folks are not listening or understanding us.
I am human. Just like everyone else. I have my foibles- my miscommunications. There is a giant hole cut through me and I put it there. It is worth it all – just to hear someone giggle.
Months ago I coached a business associate on how to talk to his daughter. She has attempted suicide earlier in the year and the stakes were very high. It was critical he figure out a way to shift his behavior and save her. He took me aside at a fancy pants dinner and let me know it was working. That my lunch with him- my perspective- was making a difference.
Ok. It is all worth it. All of it.
Love, The Tree Hugger

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