My sister is brilliant. Really. She says stuff casually.. sort of under her breath at times.Â Â It often changes my life abruptly and in such a great way.Â Â She does things that just do not show up on a bio- that matter so much to the world and others.Â I admire her.
A few months ago she dropped a whammy that I’ve been practicing the past few months. It has been, um, profound and simple in execution.
She said that what she and Jay taught the girls (she has 3: 21, 23 and 26)… about boys.. is..thisÂ “Do not listen to what they SAY… watch how they act. People tell you a lot by how they act.Â Words are easy – behavior is transparent.”
It is really kind of cool. Â I started listening more to actions rather than the words of those around me. Â Trying to do so without judging them. Â Just noticing how we say things and we don’t always match up our words and our actions. Â Not judging them because, of course, I realized I am not syncing up either.Â In my business I do this thing called “somatic linguistics” that intersects words, physiology, group dynamic etc…Â Switching to separating words from behavior has been interesting.
And, humans do this a lot.Â Act differently than what we say.Â I started noticing the incongruence with what I said to people and what my actions showed. It slowed me down a bit. Made me self reflective in a good way.
I realized I say I want to reduce “Us and Them” in our culture and yet my actions do not always show it.Â I’m not doing the tough important stuff to grow my business to truly make that happen.Â I’m skating a little at times.Â (Not a reference to the Roller Disco, I mean skating in a not so good way.) Â Not enough focus.
I’m easily distracted because I like people and all too often do more than I should to please them. Â My behavior is not matching what I teach. Â I am easily distracted from what I know I need to do because I am incessantly curious and want to learn every second of every day. Â Kind of lags execution a little. Â Excuses excuses.
I am not often curious in my own life.Â I teach curiosity and I ignore it too.
To wit:Â I get a lot of e-mails about my blog.Â It is neat.Â I like that. Â I look forward to comments and emails. Â A friend from Cleveland asked me recently if this was a business blog or a personal blog.Â He couldn’t tell and thought maybe I should make it clear or something. (It was a loving e-mail, not snotty at all.) Â He asked me why I would do a business blog that distracts prospects by talking about my child.
I thought about it well past the dial tone. Â I am thankful for the distraction. Â It is another version of my US and THEM. Â There is the US (business) people and the THEM (friendship) people and the lines are often blurred. Â By being both in this blog I suppose I am only pleasing one person – me. Â and… the real purpose behind the blog that I suppose needs to be said.Â Just in case you are reading this thinking it is about my work.
I created this blog for my son.
Right after he was born I had all these crazy nightmares about ..oh crap.. I can’t even write what they were about.Â Â Too scary.Â I had nightmares about me leaving the planet.Â How would Sebastian know who I am and how much I want him to never let the accidents of life dictate how much happiness he can glean from it.Â That we don’t always get our preferences and if the story is still sad, it isn’t over yet.Â (My sister told me the part after the comma.)
I created this blog so my son would know who I am- who his mom is.Â Â Just in case something happened to me.Â So that the silly videos of me with him as a child had more depth into who I am as a person.Â What I think and how I am in the world.Â Not just a mommy blog about him – a blog about all of me, my warts and the things I see.Â Â Â I tie it to business at times because it just makes sense to me and, well, it often ties to what I do for a living.Â I tie it to parenting sometimes because, well, it often ties to what I live for. Â Sebastian.
“Who of us is mature enough for offspring before the offspring themselves arrive?Â The value of marriage is not that adults produce children but that children produce adults.” = Peter de Vries
I suppose if I think about it, parenthood is also making me a better entrepreneur too. ( I’m just wish the team around me would ask why as many times as Sebastian does. Â Seriously, that boy can ask why 17 times without even blinking. Â His desire for a deeper dive is incessant. Â Most of us in business need to answer the why questions that aren’t being asked. Â We need people around us to fight us on the unimportant things we want to distract the business with.)
So. Â Back to behavior and actions. Â I am naturally curious. Â I say that. Â I’m not sure my behavior this year shows it. Â So, there you go Sebastian. Â Your mom moments before her midlife crisis.Â A friend of mine today said I am not having a midlife crisis, I am having a “medically induced” crisis.Â If you don’t know me, you have no idea what the heck I am talking about.Â Sorry, this blog, after all,Â isn’t actually for you unless you are 4 and my son.
The realization that I amÂ just like my parents and their parents and Sebastian if you are reading this 30 years from now, YOU as a parent. Â Life’s little incongruencies… the ways human behavior just doesn’t make sense at times. Â I’ll keep trying….
(and blogs that do not end with a well-thought-out-bow-tied-around-it that makes it all make sense.Â THAT is your mom, son.)