12 Jun I’m in love
I’m in love. Â No, it isn’t with the new guy I’m dating.
I had a rough few weeks physically. Â For a part of it I had to lay flat for 5 or 6 days. Â The boy I live with has some very clear expectations of me. Â We jump, we play and we run around. Â Seeing his mom horizontal and in a lot of pain was not fun for him.
I’m not sure I realized enough what was going on for him. Â I talked to him and had friends take him for fun things. Â My thought was it would be like a vacation for Sebastian.
Last week he went out with my friend Paul and his son Fletcher. Â He was so excited about it. Â All day- playing and acting like a teenager. Â (I have incredible friends and family and Â who without them I would not have gotten through this.
Sebastian is addicted to anything that is sugar and doesn’t get it very often. Â He will beg me in the store for Vitamin Water, stuff I have never let him have. Â He will point to the purple bottle of nasty tasty Kool-Aid stuff and plead. Â He doesn’t get it.
He came bouncing in the house with a bottle of purple Vitamin Water his uncle Paul had given him. Â He was SO excited. Â The bottle was about 3/4 full. Â “Mom, I brought you Vitamin Water and it will make you all better. Â Drink it.”
It struck me for a second that my little boy was willing to give up what he cherished most, I had a few sips. Â Thanked him. Â We had a lot of people over surrounding my bed, so the moment passed.
The next morning, Sebastian called to me from the top of the stairs. Â He will often curl up in a ball at the top of the stairs in the morning and I run up and throw him in the air. Â We’ve been doing this for years. Â Of course, with my ‘issues’ going on I haven’t been able to do the sleepy-head-boy-toss. Â It was my first time up walking around with a timer, seeing how long I could stand up without the icepick in the brain. Â (7 minutes!)
“Did the Vitamin Water make you better momma?” Â It stopped me in my tracks. Â I suppose I had not realized the depth of his plan. Â We laid there and I told him, Yes, I am better. Â Not 100% honey, I’m better.
He got a very stern look. Â “You’d be all better if you would have drank it all.”
We stayed there for close to an hour. Â I mentioned to him that by giving me the Vitamin Water, he was giving up something he loved to help someone he loved. Â We talked about giving to others and being proud of our actions. Â He asked me a lot of questions in those moments.
What seemed to calculate the most in him is this: Â Sebastian, were you worried about momma? Â “Yes, you can’t play anymore.” Â Dear boy do you realize you did something amazing and I’m not sure if you know. Â You were worried and instead of suffering you DID something about it. Â You took action to unworry the problem. Â That is incredibly smart of you dear sweet boy. Â It is okay to sit and cry and feel bad- that is healthy. Â Healthier is to improve on the worst of what is happening in our lives. Â Find a way to make it better and okay. Â To not give in Â on suffering or give up on happiness : NO matter what happens.
He has brought this up several times since then. Â “Mom, let’s take action.” Â I am so in love with this boy and who he is as a human. Â A gentle sweet soul who is also tough and fiery. Â He remembers these things and uses them. Â (Heros never give up is another one he says a lot)
I learn more than I could ever teach from that boy. Â I offered him the option of a sleepover with his friends last night or a cozy evening with me. Â He picked me and we had a glorious evening reading books, doing mazes and eating popcorn. Â “Momma, I don’t want anyone here except me, you and the kitty. Â Just us.” Â he kept saying to me, “Just us Momma.” Â It just struck me how much I was thinking the same thing. Â How perfect the evening was.
Through this whole health thing I have had amazing realizations about my busyness. Â I’m grateful for the scare – as I’ve begun to trim the fat of my life to get to the core of what it is I really want.
With less noise, I’ve been able to see some good lessons: Â About how great I am at conflict until I love the person dearly. Â Then, I just suffer through things until I get MAD enough to say something. Â This week I had some conflict with people I care about and, um, whoa: Â I did not spontaneously combust. Â I was shocked I did not end up a pile of gray rubble after each conversation.
In the final analysis of this whole situation, I feel loved. Â I realize how little time I have for my dear friends and family and how much that will be changing in the next 12 months. Â Now that I’m getting my health back I’m looking forward to LESS task and MORE love.
As he cleaned his room last night before bed he said, “Mom, do you know when I’m going to stop cuddling you?” Â When honey? Â “When I’m 69, so you need to prepare.” Okay, I’ll be 109 so I suppose that will be okay. Â “Good. Â I just wanted to let you know.” Â Thank you Sebastian. Â “Mom, you know what?” Â What. Â “You need to brush your teeth.”
I’m in love.