12 Nov A 4 month sob
As usual, my son and I cuddled on his bed and talked about his life. Every night since he was a baby we spend a half an hour to an hour just chatting before bed.
We were talking about Star Wars when my little 4 year old looked at me and let out a loud cry of anguish. He sobbed and cried for 10 minutes. He couldn’t get words out to tell me what what hurting him. He wailed in the way I cried the day my dog died. It was a deep guttural experience. (A little scary for a moment, I had never seen him cry this way.)Â Â Uncontrolled sobs…
I held him and talked him through it. I asked him what happened. I anticipated something at school although it seemed odd that he would feel that hurt by something.
He told me a story of going camping. That his friends ran ahead of him and he couldn’t catch up. That his friends left him and forgot about him. His chin quivered as he recounted the story. “My friends forgot me momma.”
He cried again. Wailed actually.
This event happened 4 months ago on an ALL BOY camping trip. This little human has held this in his body for 4 months.
We talked about Disneyland and how at Disneyland he kind of forgot about his friend Ella and just ran ahead. That all the excitement made him focus on running forward rather than waiting for his friend. We talked about how friends are always in our hearts even if we forget them in a moment of happiness, joy, enthusiasm or even pain. That is what friendship is.
We went into strategy mode… what he could do next time.. run after them.. look for something amazing that is around him that he might miss if he ran ahead…. He looked at me and said, “Mom, I like all those options.” (oh my god, one of my parenting things is when he is being difficult I offer him OPTIONS. It is weird to hear my words come out of his mouth.)
He took a DEEP breath, put his head on my chest and fell asleep. Seriously. Snoring louder than my grandpa used to.
We all walk around with these stories in us. We decide what they mean and whatever emotion is attached to it. We make decisions and have behavior based upon all these attachments to experience.
This morning I got up early to do some catching up. As the sun came up I closed my eyes and checked in on the day before. It was odd to realize that something had bothered me that I didn’t intellectually notice. That was ‘in there’ lurking. I actually cried for a moment and then laughed at how often I learn the best lessons from a child.
From now on, I’m carrying Kleenex in my purse. I’m thinking I just added 10 years of health to my life.
Life is good.