You can’t fire me I quit!

“You can’t fire me I quit!”  My favorite part of Rudoph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.  When the little elf, Herbie, defiantly shakes his little fist in the air and sings “You can’t fire me I quit!” .. right after he is told he will never fit in and he’d  better learn to smile warmly, wiggle his ears and cute things like that.

I rarely fit in.  I am okay with that.  In fact, I relish it.  I kind of like it.  Sometimes though, it feels scary and I go down the rabbit hole with it.  Shakes my confidence a little.  Leaves me quivering the corner like a poodle.   I am totally unemployable and weird.  I get that.

“Your opinion of me is none of my business.”  -Diane DiPrima

This has been my mantra for years.  I teach communication.  I try to teach others to watch who their critics are.  Not everyone is going to like them.. blah blah blah

I failed today.  It was a double-back triple axle of failure.  It is my second one this year.  Makes the knees a little wobbly and the stomach weak.  After the first one I thought, Okay, that will never happen again.  That was an isolated incident to help me clarify my intellectual property and be better at what I do.  I survived.  Whew.  Done with that.

Um.  Nope.  That wasn’t the end.  Damn it.

Since May I have been trying to make something happen for a group I am involved in.  I have done some serious gymnastics and spent considerable time to make it happen.

The meeting was yesterday. 

I totally forgot everything I teach.  I tried to present something I didn’t really believe.  I am not a salesperson, nor do I play one on TV.  I do not believe in selling, I believe in educating and the selling takes care of itself.  

The cool part?  I’m sure there is one as I am incessantly looking for that silver lining.  …

 Oh.  I was hoping you would chime in here and tell me the silver lining.  Okay, there is one.

If we are great at what we do, never ever take the advice of someone who is not.  Go with what we know.  Of course, we don’t want to be rigid and not allow change – we just are who we are.

I, for example, just can not be professional.  It isn’t me and words in communication matter least.  I also am not great with dual agendas.  I never run an agenda and I clearly did today.  I ran the agenda to please rather than doing what I do best- educating.

My fault.  Totally.  I am a big girl (still am according to the scale this morning-damn) and it did add two more chapters to my book.

I am reminded.   Judgment is a tough thing to stand in front of.  At least with a firing squad they give you a cigarette, a blindfold and it is over quick.  We are being judged all the time, usually people are a little sly about it though.

Open judgment is a good thing.  It is hard to take and so helpful.  I’d prefer to know where I am at with folks so I don’t waste a lot of time.  

The new relationship economy demands a certain level of rapport and humanness.   When we fail we have to remember it is not the rest of the story.  There is another part of the tale.   

The first time, I didn’t get it.  This time I do.   I know what makes a room listen.  I have tested it for 20 years.    Today, I did the opposite. 

Yep.  I learned something from it.  Still sorting that out.  I’ll let you know.

 

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