“Get over it.”
“Whatever you do, please, do not have an emotion I do not feel like having right now.”
I find this curious. About humans. What most of us yearn for is real moments with people we care about. Yet, we often shun, distance and turn people away at the moments that are perfect for deeper connection.
Grief. Anger. Bitterness. Imperfection. All those yucky feelings we all have.
One of the cruelest things we can do to another person is shun them. We do this in a fashion when we distance ourselves from people when they are in a feeling.
I watch my son be told (by people who love him) not to cry if something hurts. “Toughen up champ.”
I watch CEOs, who desperately need to confront reality sooner in their business, push the truth away because of the emotional package it is coming in.
I wonder sometimes if teenagers stop talking to their parents because their parents have taught them for years that when they are having an emotion they will be calmed down, repositioned and not listened to.
Perhaps if humans physiologically understood that emotions are temporary and they are often part of a process that gets people closer to their genius. When we disallow emotions we shortcut the beauty of being human. The best of us is often on the other side of some intense feelings.
The next time a kid, a co-worker, a spouse, a sibling, a friend is having an emotion you do not feel like having in the moment – sit in it with them. Be curious without trying to solve the issue. Get them talking more and feeling more.
I believe empathy shows love and personal strength. Empathy is simply the ability to feel the feelings of another person without becoming it. To be with someone. To allow imperfection so we move closer to perfection. (although perfect isn’t and doesn’t actually exist)
If what we really want is for someone to stop feeling bad, sometimes the fastest path is through it rather than around it.