I live in a small town.
I have a small son.
We drive in a small car.

I am very verbal. I talk a lot. A large mouth.

I stop at the coffee shop a lot in our town to get a large coffee. Not every morning.. lots of mornings. Sebastian is often with me. My neighbors are almost always there - a bunch of guys chatting about the Lions club, the city, whatever a bunch of dudes discuss with such glee.

We always have morning happiness and pleasantries. I love this town.

Well. There is this guy in town who is, well, um, cute. I think I must have pointed him out to some of my girlfriends or something when Sebastian has been in the car. I am a little embarrassed about my behavior, just sing the Mrs. Robinson song while reading the rest of the post. (he isn’t THAT young… probably about 6-8 years my jr.) I don’t leer or cat call at him or anything… I just, well, noticed and I suppose said something .. a couple of times… maybe.

So. Sebastian and I are in the coffee shop in line a couple of weeks ago. “Cute boy” comes in and stands in line behind us. Sebastian says, REALLY loud, “MOM, CUTE BOY IS HERE.”

Okay. Um. I’m SURE no one heard that. He is a 4 year old after all. People don’t listen to the incessant ramblings of a 4 year old before they have had their coffee. I’ll just distract Sebastian with chocolate milk and act like nothing happened. We get our drinks and head out the door.

Right outside the door, Sebastian trips over his shoe string. Ugh. Get me out of here. I start to tie his shoe for him (because he doesn’t know how) and cute boy comes out. Just do not make eye contact… he didn’t hear it.. and if he did why would he think it is about him. It is cool. Just keep doing what you are doing.

He kneels down at Sebastian’s eye level and says, “Tell your mom I think she is cute too.” Stands up and walks away.

My face is RED. He waves at me from his car. Smiling.

I forget about it. It happened a couple of weeks ago. I haven’t seen him since. He’ll forget. It is fine. (NOTE to self: watch what you say around Sebastian.)

This morning, I bounce into the coffee shop. One of the guys comes up behind me and whispers in my ear, “I’m sorry cute boy isn’t here for you today.”

OH MY GOD! Writing stuff on my blog is fine… I don’t care if the whole world knows my stupid stuff… but IN PERSON before coffee… this is just unbearable. Red.  Laughed about it all day.  Then realized….

I’m moving to a larger town. Getting on an airplane at 9pm tonight to check out Norco. I’ll get lost in the sea of humans and horses.

Sigh.

Rushing. To Utah. Tired. A little slow from an evening liver symposium. Forgot my phone, my right shoe and left my coffee cup on the top of my car.  Off a little.  Spinning on some unusual behavior of mine the day before - how I am acting like I am not.  A little freaked out by something I did.   Pointing my finger at myself in my head .. chastising.     My self-critic alive and well.

That kind of morning.

I stop at the coffee shop AGAIN to get another cup of coffee and somehow (don’t judge me) I slammed my SHIN in my car door. Now, you gotta think about that one for a while. Really? Is this actually possible that a person would get out of their car, step to the side just enough, but not enough, and slam their shin in the car door?

Um. Yes. It is true and it was embarrassing. The smokers outside the coffee shop looked at me like I was driving a 1917 Traub or something. And not in a good way if you get my drift. I imagine I let out a cry or something, not really sure because it HURT SO BAD I wanted to pass out.

I hobble into the coffee shop and I notice I am bleeding profusely… two giant egg size welts have perked up to say hello.. oh, and I am in 4-inch heels and OF COURSE a skirt. F.

The coffee helps. I limp to my car. The airport. No time to change clothes to hide the welts. Then I think, EH PIFFLE! I’m a woman over the age of 40 - no one is going to notice my legs anyway. It is totally fine.. just keep moving… …I am speaking in front of a room for of humans in Utah yes, and they won’t even notice the eggplants on my gams.

Security guy. As I walk up, well, limp up yells out, “OH MY GOD, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR LEG?!?!?!??”

My face is red.  Everyone in the line is looking at me like I’m Pamela Anderson in a 3D scanner post surgery after the surgery…. it wasn’t good.   I realize I am not going to tell ANYONE about the car slamming thing. It is just too ridiculous and dumb.  He waits for an answer.   I’m red…. and.. um… er….

I say:  “That isn’t my real weight on my driver’s license.”   He laughs- hard.   I walk away.  Thank god I always have humor to distract….that is acting like me. 

After my presentation in Utah.. I’m RACING to get the 5:07 flight. I have 20 minutes to get to the gate. I take my heels off and start running… limp running.. I’m in pain.  I don’t care.  The next flight is at 9pm…. SLT airport is long.   My gate (of course) at the end. I run alongside the moving walk way FAST and a wonderful soul pushing an empty wheelchair. He runs along side me and yells “GET ON … I”ll get you there!!!”

He runs along side me for a minute and I hesitate. “Ha ha… you couldn’t push me faster than I can run…”

“HEY.. I medaled in UT Track baby… GET ON!”

“Oh, nah,  (pant pant hypervenilate run) that (Wheeze)  is okay(pant)…”

“LADY GET ON !!!”

I do.

It is absolutely side splitting. We are racing around to my gate.. he’s making all these crazy emergency announcements and swerving … I keep looking up at him and he is laughing so hard as he runs.  Me too.  Total bliss.

He dumps me at the gate. I make it. We high five. And then we just stand there for a minute.. looking at each other and laughing out loud.  The man is sweating profusely and can barely breathe… I can’t breathe.  The entire lobby is looking at us like we are insane.  We realize what a spectacle we are and laugh some more.

It is just one of those precious moments that make me believe our world is a beautiful place.

Did I have that fabulous moment that I will remember my entire life because I hit my shin?  Was it my limp that made him ask if he could help?  Did I hit my shin because I was out of my body thinking about the thing I did that wasn’t like me that freaks me out?    I dunno.  I’d like to believe that it all is beautiful once we know the whole story.  All these moments knit loosely around to make a life.  Even the ones where we feel bad, ashamed or hurt.   When we make a mistake or do something in a moment that isn’t fair or right.  If we just give it a minute, forgive and be who we are……

and, here is the thing.  I almost didn’t get in that chair.   I almost let that chair roll on by and stayed running and limping and NOT being me.   Another example of me not being me.   I like to play.  I gotta play more often. I have gotten WAY too serious….

Yes.  I have been acting in ways that are just not me.  Why?   I do not know.   What I do know is play and fun and being unapologetic for the strange ways I need to be in the world to feel safe and happy don’t work for everyone.

The real person is far more interesting than anything we can fabricate.  When we can all lighten up on all the ways we are supposed to be… be who we are..  and be kind to ourselves when we mess up… and just get on a moving chair once in a while….

I arrived home at 7pm to my cat and an empty house.  Alone, something I rarely ever am in my own home.  Had a magical evening of a quarter moon, painting,  and a midnight walk. .. the limp gone completely.

Thanks running chair man,  (he asked me not to use his real name) you gave me more than a lift.

Scare Grove. Nice.
Jeremy: performer
Picked an 8 year old out of the audience. Handed her a torch that was 1/3 as tall as the kid.
Lit the torch.
The parents in the audience looking at each other. A mixture of, is this safe and how neat.
She lit his juggling batons and he lit is unicycle on fire.
I’m hoping we are taking a turn in our society. Allowing a little more risk and less fear of lawsuits.
I asked him about it after… “I trust kids more than adults.”
Me too.

I am often asked about Napa and Wine Tasting from friends.  I am so out of the loop in terms of Napa, so I asked my friend Maureen Birdsall… GODDESS that she is.  Here is what she wrote.  From now on I can just send folks to this little post…. yay!

1) To stay: I like the Sonoma Mission Inn - they have a great spa & are pretty reasonable. I also like the romance of downtown Sonoma. If you eat at French Laundry, the Vellagio is right there in Yountville: http://www.villagio.com/villagio/home.html

2) Love Auberge for lunch (don’t miss their scallops). Great view & menu. They are very expensive to spend the night. BUT… if you do, get a couples 4 handed massage (ultimate in luxury & romance). If you do go the Meadow wood route, make croquet reservations (need to wear all white)

3) Wine Train = touristy & $$, but really is a fun way to spend an afternoon

4) Castillo de Armorosa: http://www.castellodiamorosa.com/ It’s an actual CASTLE - so very cool

5) Bubble Room = an amazing flight along with paired foods:

http://www.jwine.com/VisitUs/BubbleRoom/

6) Duck Horn (one of my favorite reds) has a nice tasting: http://www.duckhorn.com/DuckhornDNN/

7) Don’t miss stopping at Dean & Deluca and perusing their gourmet items

Call ahead to CSJ & request a private tasting on the patio. Simply beautiful:
http://www.chateaustjean.com/stjean/index.jsp

9) Napa Valley Grille (a napa staple) http://www.napavalleygrille.com/yountville/about.php

10) Sonoma Side: The girl and the fig: http://www.thegirlandthefig.com/html-sonoma/index.html

11) Bouchon (must het the tomato soup en croute): http://www.bouchonbistro.com/

“What day is it mommy?”
Wednesday
“What do we do on Wednesdays?”
Well. Hmmm. It just so happens that tonight is do-whatever-we-want-to Wednesday. What do you want to do Sebastian?
“Take a new car to Opa’s house and go to the beach and have hot chocolate.”
Done.
(Opa wasn’t home.. El Granada was still beautiful.)

The Miramar Beach Inn is a perfect spot for W-W-C-D-W-W-W nights. We had a yummy meal, the waiter told us ghost stories of the Blue Lady who haunts the place and after dinner we sat outside under a blanket next to a fire watching the ocean. Yum.
My favorite part? All the romance around us. Couples nuzzling under blankets enjoying the scene. Sebastian saying loudly, “Wow, they must be really cold.”

Driving back over highway 1, Sebastian fell asleep within about 8 seconds and snored for the entire drive home.

Found it!  The gin quip from Obama’s first press conference.

See bolded text:  the Obama I fell in love with on the campaign trail peeked his head out of all this seriousness.   “Ginned up”

Nice!
Question: Thank you, Mr. President. In your opening remarks, you talked about that, if your plan works the way you want it to work, it’s going to increase consumer spending. But isn’t consumer spending, or overspending, how we got into this mess? And if people get money back into their pockets, do you not want them saving it or paying down debt first before they start spending money into the economy?

Obama: Well, first of all, I don’t think it’s accurate to say that consumer spending got us into this mess. What got us into this mess initially were banks taking exorbitant, wild risks with other people’s monies based on shaky assets and because of the enormous leverage, where they had one dollar’s worth of assets and they were betting thirty dollars on that one dollar, what we had was a crisis in the financial system.
That led to a contraction of credit, which, in turn, meant businesses couldn’t make payroll or make inventories, which meant that everybody became uncertain about the future of the economy, so people started making decisions accordingly, reducing investment, initiating layoffs, which, in turn, made things worse.
Now, you are making a legitimate point, Chuck, about the fact that our savings rate has declined and this economy has been driven by consumer spending for a very long time. And that’s not going to be sustainable.
You know, if — if all we’re doing is spending and we’re not making things, then over time other countries are going to get tired of lending us money and eventually the party’s going to be over. Well, in fact, the party now is over.
And so the — the sequence of how we’re approaching this is as follows. Our immediate job is to stop the downward spiral, and that means putting money into consumer’s pockets. It means loosening up credit.
It means putting forward investments that not only employ people immediately, but also lay the groundwork for long-term economic growth.
And — and that, by the way, is important, even if you’re a fiscal conservative, because the biggest problem we’re going to have with our federal budget is if we continue a situation in which there are no tax revenues because economic growth is plummeting at the same time as we’ve got more demands for unemployment insurance, we’ve got more demands for people who have lost their health care, more demand for food stamps. That will put enormous strains on the federal budget, as well as the state budget.
So the most important thing we can do for our budget crisis right now is to make sure that the economy doesn’t continue to tank. And that’s why passing the economic recovery plan is the right thing to do, even though I recognize that it’s expensive.
Look, I — I would love not to have to spend money right now. I’d love — you know, this notion that somehow I came in here just ginned up to spend $800 billion, you know, I mean, that wasn’t — that wasn’t — that wasn’t how I envisioned my presidency beginning. But we have to adapt to existing circumstances.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/02/09/obamas-opening-remarks-at_n_165440.html

Sebastian is three.   He has a kitten named Tigger and three fish.  This morning we fed the fish as usual.  He counts the fish (two neon tetras and a freaky looking clear fish)

“Mom, there are only two fish - not three.”

I’m thinking.. Oh no.. the floating belly fish moment with a three year old.  I search the surface.. unable to see any fish tummies.

“I’m sure the other fish is just hiding.”  (We should really clean out the tank.)

“No, momma, there are just two fish left.. and that one looks guilty.”

I swear.. I am not smart enough to make this stuff up.

It made me realize how, since getting the new kitty, I use the word guilty in trying to teach Sebastian how to treat the kitten.  I’ll come racing downstairs if it is suddenly quiet and Sebastian will be sitting there with his hands behind his back and the kitten no where to be found.. “Sebastian.. you look a little guilty.”

Sigh.  So this is how they learn….

January 20, 2009

Every morning my son and I listen to Martin Luther King. We listen to the “Free at Last” speech.. or the “Forgive your Enemies” or the “End Vietnam” It is from a CD called King for Kids. He loves it. It reminds me of a great man.

We got this idea tonight. On January 20, 2009 - will be a special day. For a lot of people. It is the last day of a presidency and the first day of another.

I marinated on the words from King’s speech:

When we let freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God’s children, black men and white men, Jews and gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, “Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!”

I have not liked our current president or his policies. Please understand I work on both sides of the aisle - I believe in Republicans and Democrats. (Of course, I am a Democrat) I believe in America.  All of America.
I am not pleased with the guy residing on Pennsylvania Avenue the past 7 years and 230ish days. Hate me because i have an opinion.

I’d like to send a blast out to Americans across this great nation of ours. Whatever candidate you are backing for president, it is cause for celebration. Whatever candidate you are backing for president : An Obama president means we as a nation crossed a threshold. It means everything we have etched in stone, all that we hold true, is, well, true. (How many commas can one actually put in a sentence I ask all the grammarians out there.)

So - my internet friends. Midnight 00:00 January 20, 2009 - won’t you yell outside your window..or gather in our county’s gathering place… and YELL with LOVE and Passion:
“FREE AT LAST, FREE AT LAST, THANK GOD ALMIGHTY, WE ARE FREE AT LAST.”

( a little like Network.. with a little more passion and LOVE of what is right in America. I love this country and the people in it. )

In case you don’t know the Network reference..:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=90ELleCQvew&feature=related

at about 4:04 it gets fun.

Maybe we can say it a few times… for effect… then pop the champagne corks and celebrate the next four years.

Go America! Pass it on!

My book is finally available…

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0981515002

and… a friend sent me this today…. watch it all the way through.. this is the way all advertisers should go….

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gdfvWAp5GUw&feature=related

and

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6vW9gUmooFg&feature=user

“I really underestimated the creepiness”   funny line.

If you haven’t been yet to the “sundance” or Kabuki theatre in San Francisco - it is time to go.  Stop by the bar and order a yummy Manhattan-up–with lemon and a cherry .. bring it with you to a comfortable seat with a nice table to place it on… make sure you take with you six or seven girlfriends and dress up to match your favorite character in a movie.

good fun.